The Nature of the Beast

Posted: June 1, 2010 by Salvatore Otoro in Diary of a Roleplayer

Salvatore in pensive mode

As I sit here in the Black Church in Aracadia, I ponder my fate, my punishment, and what is at the center of my thoughts as of late. Do not pity me for it was my fault and mine alone. What I most treasured has left me in a state I cannot explain. I did myself in, in more ways than one. What happened today was something that, deep inside of me, I knew would eventually happen; I just did not know when.

I was in Tempura District Eastside having just been to Lake Forest District to have a look around, then making my way to Lost Vegas and its infamous Casino District. I even stopped by the Bunny Ranch to look around and found it was opulent and inviting but barren and empty of activity. After checking the area, I made my way to Tempura to see what if anything was new. It was then that I ran into my love, Feles and my dear friend Orchid.

Salvatore Otoro: hello my love

Feles Seitan: Hello

Salvatore Otoro: how have you been, my sweetheart?

Feles Seitan: “I’ve been well, and you?”

Salvatore Otoro smiles, “good as well”

Feles Seitan: “What brings you to Tempura?”

Orchid Arado walks out of the abyss and nods to Sal and Feles.

Feles Seitan smiles. “Hello Orchid.”

It was good to see Feles since I have not seen much of her lately and with good reason. We broke up some time ago and that was my entire fault. I let my basic instincts override me and take over my common sense. How do I explain the situation currently at hand? I can and I can’t. I lost someone I treasured dearly because I reverted to my true nature. Demons are not the most trustworthy of beings out there. I can make plenty of promises that mean nothing or are propped up to hide the vile truth snugly behind it. Our word is as true as the lie told with it.

Feles & Salvatore

My words, however, and my promises to Feles were true and not the baseless dribble I spew out to my prey and my victims. I meant every promise I made to her but in the end I failed her and us. There was such a long time apart and not knowing anything of each other, that I was overjoyed when we crossed paths again. I’m speaking of our first distancing of course; our time together in Japan. Those were memorable times but, we each had tasks that needed to be done and those came first. Serving Lady Lilith and Lord Abaddon is not something you take lightly, if you want to survive, and so that took precedence over everything else.

This distancing was different. Decisions were made and a promise broken. I let my origins take over my very being. I let myself be taken over by the lust that was in the room at the moment and in that instance I was unfaithful to Feles and to myself. None outside of my tight circle of fellow officers knew I had made a decision to stop following Lady Lilith and stop promoting lust. I made that promise to Feles because I felt I could still honor Abaddon and ignore my true nature. How wrong I was. Many had sought me out when Feles and I were united, yet I rejected them all and laughed at the amount of temptation that came my way.

Yet this one day, Lady Lilith brought her wrath down upon me as if to remind me whose work was to be done. I ended up about to sleep with a nobody and someone whom I really didn’t even know. Yet that event turned everything around on me and I paid for it in spades. I ended up causing so much pain and anguish that I had no explanation for why or how it happened. Even as I write this, all I can do is think back to what we had then and what I have now. My heart hurts very strongly for where this has ended up. It was only a matter of time before it went where I knew it would go, though I hoped that day would be far in the future, far enough away that it would not hurt as it does now.

Feles Seitan: “I’m not upset any longer. You can probably guess recently I’ve been getting to know — better. He is very kind to me, and I make a point not to be obvious about it. I’ve been lonely for a very, very long time.”

Those words hurt me more than I could imagine, even though I thought I was prepared to hear it one day soon. My heart sunk and with it came the realization that what I had done had grave consequences. Here I was thinking that I would be able to get us back together but in many ways it was too late. I’m at odds with myself.

This does not mean I’m giving up, but simply that what was difficult then, is even harder now than before. Now I have to compete with — and have a firm reminder that he is giving her what I was never able to give her. I don’t even know where to start. I have to do a retrospect of my life and my path and decide whether I should even attempt to pursue her once more. If I am to make an attempt to unite us once more, I need to be serious about what I want.

Perhaps, that is why I sit here in solitude in the empty church. Sitting here in the company of the Lords and Ladies of Hell I may be able to find comfort for my pains. Yet, in the face of it all, I must continue my work for the Queens and my family. While I work, I must quietly work on what I want for me. Before I attempt to make a commitment to Feles, I need to make a one to myself and decide which path I am to follow. Only then will I know where we stand.

  1. […] I think a reboot is in order to get things running again. As you may tell from my post titled, The Nature of the Beast, Salvatore was somewhat saddened and not in the best of moods.  This could be a catalyst for […]

  2. Avian Demonista says:

    You know I love you so much my dear friend, and I love Feles. In many respects you both are my very best friends in CoLA and I want nothing more than happiness for both of you in whatever shape that takes.

  3. I hope everything works out the way you want them my dear brother 🙂

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